So the new job is a no go. It was tough. I basically had three interviews and in the end, they went with the other person, it was down to them and me. The last part of the deciding factor was Spanish translation, which honestly, I don't feel very confident about but I did my best. I know I'd pick it right back up once I'd start doing it again but in the end, it's still about hiring the best person NOW not the person now who could be great LATER, so I accept defeat. It's ok, disappointing but ok.
So life has now gone back to "normal" I suppose, but I've decided, now with my unemployment extension, it's time to shake things up and I must start taking control of things that I *can* take control of, cuz sometimes feelings cloud your sense of reality and well can be paralyzing. So I've decided to no longer baby-sit. I want to start volunteering and I figure I have a higher chance if my schedule were free. So by the end of this month, I will be done babysitting. Other than that, I'm just going to keep doing things that keep me sane: dance, run, work out, cook, socialize with friends, get out of my comfort zone once in a while and see what happens. At the same time, I'll start making a schedule, a list of places to volunteer and start at it. Something needs to come of it.
I've been a bad girl, however with my writing project. I think it's just so daunting and scary that I can't seem to break it down into chewable pieces. It's a guilt I carry every day until I decide the guilt is too heavy and enough is enough. But not yet. I'm going to other things and perhaps why doing that, the book won't seem so scary any more. I don't know, that's just hopeful thinking.
On an other note: This was my horoscope yesterday:
The physical changes you seek may be coming at a frustratingly slow pace, but they are coming. To speed things up, all that's required of you is self-discipline and positive thinking. Cast your mind ahead a few months and visualize things as you want them to be (and want them to look). Your full commitment to a tough task will be required, but a strong dedication on your part will benefit your reputation and your attitude. A big confidence boost is coming.
That's exactly what I needed to hear because I feel like I've been going and going, working and working and nothing comes of it. I've been practicing optimism for the past year and its at times like these that I need to keep it up even though I don't want it and it'd be much easier to just be mad at the world and blame everyone else and just assume life sucks cuz I suck. But I refuse to do that any more, so here's to optimisim.
Also, I suppose yes, yesterday I got a tiny confidence boost, so there's that sprout.
Till next time!