Sunday, February 27, 2011

On the eve.

I'm on the eve of something new.

Tomorrow I have a job interview. I'm not quite sure how I feel about it yet. I think I was telling my sis (in-law) that if I think too hard about it, I'll freak out. All I need to know right now is that, as far as I can tell, I like the job and I *know* I can do a great job. The other things are frivolous fears that I will deal with as they unfold. I think one of the many things I need to do here in 2011 is calm my mind and be patient. I have trouble with that, I want to know NOW how things will work out and if things are BAD, BAM, change it! I think for me, it's a pendulum effect because for YEARS, I let things go and go and go and look at that 10 years later and nothing or 5 years later and I'm still here. So this year will be a year of patience and trust, in myself.

With that being said. Holy crap! Change is scary but also exciting. If this job turns out...I'll have a job. I've not had a job since August. A job. And it's not a media job. I've been in and out of the industry in various fields for quite some time...And if I do have a job...life changes, things change. My schedule will change, my patterns and habits will change and I'll form new ones. My life may very well change. I figured, it's time. I have to stop what I've been doing and do something else and see where that leads...That very statement is terrifying...but also kind of wonderful. I don't deal well with uncertainty, but over the last few years, I've learned that the reason I didn't was because I just didn't trust myself. I doubted each and ever decision I made...but now. I know I am in control of my own destiny. If I make a mistake, it was my mistake to make. If awesome things happen, I made it happen. Only I can create my own happiness and I take full responsibility for all of it, good and bad. I'm only human and I'm still learning.

I have goals and ideas and dreams for myself but I'm trying really hard to keep all doors of opportunities open and hopefully, with good guidance and persevering, they'll lead me there, or to an even better place I could not have imagined.

I have hope for all of it!

2 comments:

khanes said...

It's so interesting to see how we tranform in our thinking as we age. Both of us are learning so much. Aging is scary, but also wonderful.

Krista said...

time will lead you where you need to be, it might be different than where you think you want to be though and the ability to accept that and move with, instead of against, the flow is so hard. it's something we all struggle with and i think it'll be a struggle until the bitter end!