Thursday, July 8, 2010

Birthday Reflection: The start of 30

Thirty started out in a whirlwind of family, friends and time off, immediately followed by a cold, stomach bug and hopefully this weekend, a relaxing stroll through the Lavender Festival in Hood River with my mom and roommate.

It's been a week since I've turned 30, and what have I learned so far? Well, for one, people, more specifically, guys DO like me. I've been on a few dates with really nice men that just didn't work out. I have a fear that I'm not attractive to men. Sure, I may have ginormous boobs, but my old self asked, what else do I have to offer. Apparently, a lot. I've gotten things like "you rock" "you're very interesting" "you're very pretty" "you like WWII, that's awesome!"...a good mix physical and emotional attraction by said men. Sadly, there was just no spark but it taught me a valuable lesson: they DO like me.

Second: I need to lose weight. Oh ok, yes yes, you're all "but you're not fat!" ok fine, I'm not fat, but when I see myself, that's not who I see. I want to be fit so I can dance with ease and not get so tired. I want to have sharp lines and movement and honestly, you can't see that if all my muscles are hiding behind a nice layer of fat. It's nothing drastic really, I don't wish to be 100 pounds, I don't even wish to drop 20 pounds. I was 10 pounds lighter at this time last year and even though I wasn't the thinnest person around nor could I wear a bikini, I still felt great and I thought I looked great and for the first time in my life, for a WHOLE month, I didn't think or talk about my weight in a negative way, I finally saw myself the way others had seen me for years, plus or minus twenty pounds. I'm sure I'm all hypocritical as I write this, but this is what I want for me. I know people love me no matter what weight, I know the person I end up with will love me no matter what weight, I know that I love me right now regardless of whether I lose those 10 pounds or not, so I might as well try and go for it. It's just one of those things I'd like to accomplish for myself, give to myself.

Third: On that note, I'm going to try to go vegan for a week or so, a kind of cleanse. It's been a long time coming for me to cut back on certain foods, mainly dairy, so I need a kind of detox for my body from all the crap I had during my birthday festivities. After that, I plan on going pescatarian for a while, then maybe start adding in some chicken. I'm not sure if I'll go back to red meat, but we'll see. But for now, for sure: I gotta cut out the dairy. And after having the 24 hour stomach bug, it hasn't been too hard. So we'll see how this goes. I'm really excited though, I love new challenges!

So basically this is the year to continue the upward trend of being nice to myself, both physically and mentally. No more bashing, no more eating crap just for the sake of it. I want to be physically fit for my dancing and hopefully that will help me run a few miles a week again. I want to have a positive out look at least 90% of the time, I want to let my family and friends know that they are loved and appreciated. So my journey onward continues. There are a lot of things I want to do, but I just gotta put my mind to it because so often it is easier to watch 30 Rock on Netflix, than it is to learn how to sew or cook.

And just for giggles, here are a few photos of the surprise. I hadn't even seen these yet! Courtesy of Payal's video camera, hence the pixilation.


Picosita said...

I LOVE 30! Glad you enjoyed yours! I decided to not do anything this year but I kind of regret it now!

Kristin said...

Great photos, and what a good start to 30! Sounds like you have some great things going on. And darnitall that I didn't have my camera on your surprise!

andrea said...

I've heard good things about 30. I'm excited!